ifling

When I heard those haunting lyrics taken from “Cry Little Sister” by Gerard McMann I figured there was a new release of the 1987, Joel Schumacher film “The Lost Boys.” But OH so sadly not. Oh no.

Coming straight to DVD, from the creative minds that would probably bring you such mega hits of straight to DVD as “Out of Africa 2, Back to Africa,” or “Pincchio 2, This time its Personal,” or “Jaws 3-D,” (oops, that one was real) prepare yourself to sit through Corey Feldman’s biggest comeback attempt since “Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!”

You guessed it!
“Lost Boys 2, The Tribe.”

I enjoyed “The Lost Boys” for what it was, a fun summer movie, and would watch it again if it came on cable, if I had cable. But since it has never really occurred to me to put in the NetFlix queue, I guess I can wait a little longer for my next viewing. Though I did enjoy it, would even recommend to others to see it, it was never really lightning in a bottle, which can only greatly reduce the chances that it could be captured twice with the advent of a sequel.

They have sweetened the original song so that it has lost much of the haunting quality it had the first time around. Much like recent criminal act of digitally re-mastering Creedence Clearwater Revival so that all the scratchiness is removed for your listening pleasure. And no doubt using the same philosophy that thought up colorizing movies and applying the technique to movies that were intentionally filmed in black and white some 30 years or more after the advent of color cinematography.

And since this post is not a review of the movie, rather a critique of the fact that it was made at all, I feel no compunction to actually see it. Yet strangely feel absolutely no qualms about continuing, so I will. Even from the preview, I can see the writers come from that school that is good enough at mimicking the jokes, tag lines, and gimmicks of their favorite genres to appease the same audience that would go and see the likes of “Transformers,” without actually understanding those elements. You know, a lot like Quentin Tarentino with “Kill Bill.”

Possibly it was thought that recasting Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, reuniting the dream team of the mid eighties, would bring back the old audience, while updating the concept for a new generation would bring in a younger crowd. That gives me a thought!

For those who do not know, Corey Feldman got his start as a child doing voice work on Disney’s “The Fox and The Hound.” Disney is famous for merchandising the life, and quality, out of a story through straight to video production. I propose an updated sequel to “The Fox and The Hound” where foxes that have been over hunted are now being re-introduced into the wild. PETA has been capturing the ones that live in urban areas and Corey voices the, now CGI, fox as a hip, eighties “would have been” pop singer, Micheal Jackson/Madonna impersonator who is now totally lost and out of place in a national park where he is befriended by a wolf puppy, reintroduced to the US from Canada. The Fox is always trying to get his picture taken by tourists and environmentalists so someone from his city will recognize him, while the wolf is trying to teach him to kill chickens, which the Organic farmers leave out for him because it is all a part of the great “Circle of Life.”

I hereby claim and retain all copyright to this concept.

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